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In the ideal Islamic situation, the husband and wife will most probably
be total strangers to each other, having no kind of personal contact
with each other previously due to the strict laws of hijab and veil
(pardah) in the Shariah. Coupled with this feeling of strangeness are
the natural constraints of haya and modesty that form an integral part
of Imaan.

Under the particular circumstances, it is quite natural that
both the husband and wife will be extremely bashful of each other and
under considerable strain and anxiety.
In order to “break the ice”, they firstly greet each other with the
traditional Islamic greetings of salaam. Thereafter the husband should
gently place his right hand on his bride’s forehead and recite:
‘Allahumma in’ni as’a’luka min khai’riha wakhai’ri ma fiha wakhairi ma
jabalta’ha alai wa a’udhu bika min shar’riha washar’ri ma fiha wa
sharri ma jabalta’ha alai’
(Recommend reading from Arabic script for correct pronunciation)
Translation:-”O Allah! I ask you of her goodness, the good within her
and the goodness upon which she was created. I seek Your protection
from her evil, the evil within her and the evil upon which she was
(Bukhari, Abu Dawud, Ibn Maja, Al Hakim, Al Baihaqi and Abu Ya’la)

Thereafter, wudhu and two rakats of salatul-Hajah maybe offered as a
token of gratitude and thereby requesting assistance from Allah
(Rabbul-Izzat) for a successful and blessed marraige, pious offspring,

Then they should engage themselves in some religious talk showing
importance to the obedience of Allah’s commands and , through
wisdom and tact, become more free and open in the discussion, trying
to discover each other’s temperament. As sexual inclinations vary with
every individual, the bride and the bridegroom will have to display
patience with each other.

Sexual union on the first night of marriage is not the most important thing between the couple. Their first intimate association gives them an opportunity to know each other more closely, to assess each other’s feelings and attitudes. With some bride’s excitement, expectations or fear of intimate union brings about
reluctance in performing sexual union.

One point of great importance that many newly wed, inexperienced
men overlook is the importance of extreme gentleness and tenderness
on the first night and during the first sexual encounter. Many are
under the false notion that gentleness is against “manliness” and the
harm and damage that is done to the relationship on the first night due to this foolish notion, has it’s impact on the marraige for months
and years to come. During the initial stages of sexual union a virgin generally undergoes considerable anxiety and pain, which results in
fear. During such a time the husband must take great care and consideration in his movements and behaviour towards his bride.

One more point of caution to the husband is never to harbor unnecessary suspicions against the wife if for some reason it
“appeared” that she was not a virgin. This is a sin. It is forbidden to harbor ill thoughts about the next Muslim merely on the basis of such conjectures. And worse still is to make her a target of abuse and
oppression on this ground. This is Zulm (oppression) and a major sin.

There are many reasons a girl could lose her “hymen”, the tissue of
virginity – reasons that could be substantiated medically such as heavy
flows during menstruation, illness, falling, jumping excessively, horse-riding, certain sporting activities, ageing, etc.

The praying of husband and wife together

It is desirable for the husband and wife to pray 2 rakaat together on
their wedding night. This has been narrated from the earliest
generation of Muslims, as in the following 2 narrations:

  • First: On the authority of Abu Sa’eed Mawla Abu Asyad who said: “I
    got married while I was a slave. I invited a number of the companions
    of the Prophet; among them were Ibn Mas’ood, Abu Dharr and
    Hudhaifa. When the prayer was called, Abu Dharr began to step
    forward when the others said to him: ‘No!’ He said: ‘Is it so?’ And they
    said: ‘Yes.’ Then, I stepped forward and led the prayer though I was a
    slave possessed. They taught me, saying: ‘when your wife comes to
    you, pray 2 rakaat. Then, ask Allaah for the good of that which has
    come to you, and seek refuge in Him from its evil. Then it is up to you
    and it is up to your wife.’” [Ibn Abi Shaibah and ‘Abdur-Razzaaq]
  • Second: On the authority of Shaqeeq who said: “A man named Abu
    Hareez came and said: ‘I have married a young girl, and I am afraid
    that she will despise me.’ ‘Abdullah ibn Mas’ood said to him: “Verily,
    closeness is from Allaah, and hatred is from Shaitaan, who wishes to
    make despicable that which Allaah has allowed. So, when your wife
    comes to you, tell her to pray behind you 2 rakaat.’” In another
    version of the same story, “‘Abdullah went on to say: ‘And say: ‘O
    Allah give Your blessings on me in my wife, and to her in me. O Allaah
    join us together as long as You join us in good, and split us apart if
    You send to us that which is better.’” [Ibn Abi Shaibah and at-Tabaraani and ‘Abdur-Razzaaq: Saheeh].

Dua to recite for both before making Love/Sex

Bismillahi, Allahumma jannibnaa ash-shaitaan, wa jannib ash-shaitaan
maa razaqtanna
(Recommend reading from Arabic script for correct pronunciation)
[In the name of Allah, O Allah, keeps us away from the devil, and keep
the devil away from that which You may grant us (ie. offspring).]
About this, the Prophet said: “After that, if Allah decrees that they will
have a child, the devil will never be able to harm that child”. [al-

FOOTNOTE:[Some Scholars say that children are disobedient to their
parents usually because the parents forget/forgot to say the above
duaa before having sex. Ed. of Salaf-us-Salih Page]

Triple T wishes us best matrimonial home!

Reference: umma


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